Ultima Carta

Yo de verdad te ame

Aun ahora estoy preocupada por ti. Me inquietaba desde hacían días que fueras a dejar todo atrás para irte, así no más, conmigo. Una vez allá, si esto no funcionaba, seria un problema mas serio. Y yo tengo gente allá, pero tu no. Por eso te lo comente. Fue lo peor que pude hacer, pero no me arrepiento, porque no quería ser una egoísta.

Nunca pensé que pasaría por esto. Me duele. Me duele por mi.

Me duele por ti. Porque te amo aun y lo quiero es tenerte. Pero ya mi mente llego al limite en el que el corazón la comienza a escuchar; y dice "peligro".

No puedo estar contigo, nunca más. Así termino nuestra historia de amor. No dudo que me amas, pero no sabes amar, no cuando estás así de alterado, almenos. Lo que personas que no han pasado por esto no entienden es que tú me amas, y yo lo sé.

Lo que la gente y yo sabemos, es que no podemos estar juntos, porque después de esto no hay marcha atrás. De esto yo no me recupero.

 No podré olvidarlo.

La realidad es que cuando me trates de explicar yo entendería. Entendería porque me cogiste por el cuello, por el pelo, forcejeaste conmigo, me metiste los dedos en la boca como para que yo callara... o me ahogara.

You would probably say: "I wish you were sure of us, because I am. I don't have much, and you so lightly got all my stuff in yougurt. I love you, and I don't want unresolved business so I didn't want you to leave."

Lo peor de todo es que no recuerdo tus ojos en el enojo. Recuerdo tus gritos. Recuerdo tu silueta persiguiéndome para agarrarme y tirarme contra algo. Recuerdo tus manos en mi cuello. Pero recuerdo tu cara y veo tu sonrisa y cuánto la amo. Entiendo ahora porque algunas mujeres no se marchan. Orare por ellas.

Pero te diré algo ... Me lastimaste, físicamente y verbalmente. En 15 minutos echaste todo a perder. En 15 minutos me enseñaste lo peor de ti. Por 15 minutos me hiciste temer por mi vida.

Todo lo que eras, todo lo hermoso de ti ya no importa. Cuan lindo has sido conmigo por un largo tiempo, se destruye en un solo momento. No lo destruye mi corazón, sino mi cerebro, mi sentido de lógica. Mi corazón te va a seguir amando por un buen rato, y todo esto pasó por qué te amaba. Pero sabes algo? Mi corazón comienza a escuchar arriba.

Contra la almohada lloro y grito. ¿Porque tenías que hacer algo imperdonable? ¿Porque tenias que ir tan lejos?

My rose

I look at the rose you gave me for my birthday,

Still fresh, red, beautiful.

The smell was light.

The red was pure.

The texture was soft.

Two days afterwards, the rose was not the same.

The red was purplish.

The smell was stronger.

The texture was a bit rougher.

I noticed then, that the rose looked even more beautiful than ever before.

As days passed, the rose turned into a new kind of beautiful.

Lying on my bed, I weighted the rose towards my face.

I had never feel such abundance by an object.

The endings of the petals were curved.

The center felt complete.

                A recently opened rose.

                A rose which was mature but not too mature.

                A rose that was starting to be at its peak.

                An open rose, but which still has a lot to open.

                It’s a rose which is considered not too young, but young enough.

I look at it.

I spin it around in my hands.

I analyze the curves, the profusion, the swirl.

It looks almost fake.

The perfection is remarkable.

                The rose looks bigger because of how open it is getting.

                One sees that it is a complete rose.

                It is extraordinary how much it is taking for it to fade.

                I decide to not think ahead, just enjoy my rose in the time being.

                And in this time being, this particular rose is an extremely beautiful one.

La Sonrisa Favorita

Se reunieron luego de un mes de separación, para dialogar si de verdad estaban dispuestos a intentarlo una vez más. Esta separación no era por falta de amor, si no por otros motivos que no caben mencionar.

Dialogaban, hasta que ella notó chocolate en el carro del chico y se lo comió mientras él le hablaba de su punto de vista. Inmediatamente, al saborear su dulce favorito, ella hizo uno de sus sonidos de felicidad seguidos una sonrisa. Al ver su sonrisa favorita, el chico miró la ventana. Entonces ella le  pregunto “ ¿qué ocurre?”. Él se volteo con lagrimas en sus ojos “tu risa… la extrañaba”.
Basado en mi propia historia de amor.

20 things that have probably happened to you if you have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

As a kid, like many kids that struggle with many other conditions, you probably struggled with ADD or ADHD and had no idea on how to handle it. If you’re lucky enough, you got diagnosed at young age and got the help that you needed. The catch is that there are MANY areas in your life in which the ADD shows and make things a bit harder for you still to this day. For me, some things are really, REALLY hard… and like I noticed how hard they are for me in adulthood. Like I’m learning how to deal. Like now.

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1. How to memorize places, names, dates, etc. People will get mad at you for having to repeat the same thing a couple of times. After a while you'll stop being ashamed of asking a 1,000,000 times and stop feeling guilty about not knowing things that other people know.

2.     How to study, because you have like a thousand things that work for you every different day.

3.       Listening to someone and have no idea what they are saying. He started to talk. Okay, you got this. Something crossed your mind… He has a piece of salad on his front tooth… Wow, those eyes are really pretty… My belly feels so full……what’s happening… he is still taking about the same thing?...Smile and nod.

4.       But when you’re having fun and are fully concentrated, you look so lost.

5.       You are very sensitive to colors, light, skin, sounds, tastes, smells, etc. If it bothers you, it bothers you a LOT. Your reactions are exaggerated; your moods change like a bolt of lightning and some people might confuse your condition with bipolarity.

6.       You get flashbacks WAY too often. Many childhood memories… you even figure out stuff about the time you are thinking about.

7.       Going from memory to future conversations that you probably will never have seems like a typical day for you.

8.       In the process of over thinking, you might need a conclusion to your recent developed nighttime ideals to end this exhausting conversation in your head.

9.       You get mentally exhausted during the day, at work, at school and at partying. They might call you the Cinderella for leaving early so you can get some rest for the next day. Need those 8 hours of beauty sleep to function the next day.

10.   Need more time to study than most people.

11.   Broke you ankles again? Oh you!

12.   You need to tell someone everything that goes on in your head or you’ll explode.

13.   You need immediate pleasures, so it’s hard for you to follow routine and make your goals come true.

14.   That person probably didn't mean that. Don't duel. Control your urge to kill.

15.   It might take some time and inspiration to write that paper; but when you did, you NAILED it.

16.   You put yourself in danger too much. Try to find those keys quicker, don't forget your lunch money or your pepper spray… or at least try to not spray it to your own face. Be safer!

17.   Setting reminders of any kind is a priority to you. You use Google calendar, a timer every three hours (to remind you to eat, to complete the last task and begin the next one, etc). The agenda equals your life. The alarms are basically to remind you that you are HERE in the physical world. Sounds crae but totally necessary ^.^

18.   Being quiet sometimes so people don't notice how weird you are. Yup, awkward. Thinking strategically how to get out of awkward situations before they start.

19.   Not caring what anyone thinks at other times and being the life of the party and yes you are weird and yes you are awesome!

20.   Finding a partner who is different than you but you complement each other; she/he listens to all your crazy adventures of the day. That person advises you through confusing times and laughs at your humor. That person thinks you are the light of their day and wouldn’t change you for anything in the world, because of how incredible and special you are.

Cause hey, we’re all damaged in our own way, and it’s not our fault that we are faulty. It only serves to develop strategies to keep our shit as together as possible.

La belleza de ella

Lo primero que notas es su forma. Sí, la forma anular que su rostro irradia. Notas los colores de ese rostro: los de ella son blanco y rosado. El rosado es el más notable, pues sus pómulos tienen el rosado más hermoso que hayas visto.  Este color va agraciadamente de la mano con el de de sus ojos; un verde tierno que logra un brillo en la mirada que más has amado de una mujer.

Al bajar la mirada, notas que sus labios están curveados de modo interesante y te provocan un deseo incógnito que de la única manera de remediarlo... bueno, porqué más soñar.

Ella te mira, leyendo en tu mirada el deseo que sientes por poseerla. Se acaricia el cabello, dándote la señal que a lo mejor necesitas. Piensas que este es tu momento. Te levantas de esa ociosidad que te lleva impidiendo conseguir el posible amor de tu vida desde hacen años. Le hablas...

Dices esas palabras que tu corazón ha arrastrado por mucho. Se lo dices con la diplomacia que merita esta chica, guardián ahora de tus ilusiones y deseos.

Los ojos le brillan ahora aún más. Su semblante expresa necesidad. Su piel se encrespa.

Intentas entender de qué se trata esa necesidad. No quieres ser un sobrado, pero sientes urgencia de acariciarle el rostro. Llevas bastante tiempo soñando con el momento en el que puedes sentir su piel y tenerla en tus brazos.

Si más preámbulos y como quien ha sido damnificado por un choque de electricidad, la besas. Ella te devuelve el beso. Sus labios son suaves y dulces... pero su aliento huele mal.

La boca le apesta. Que asco. Es linda pero no le hace justicia a tu sentido del olfato. Decides que el amor podría llegar en otro momento...

La belleza de él

Te le acercas. El momento se te acerca de conseguir el amor de tu vida.

Estrechas tus brazos y te golpeas con el espejo de tu cuarto.

The Clumsy Diaries 1

2/12/15

The day before yesterday I went to my dad’s house to stay for a couple of days. When the night came, I searched in my backpack for my contact lenses’ case and lotion… and it wasn’t there. All of those who wear contact lenses know that one does not simply put the lenses on water; it will stick to your pupil and you’ll die.

Anyways, I had to do that. There was no way I was going to sleep with them on that night. So I wake up the next day, and blindly do my morning routine. I get some breakfast, I study (didn’t have class), watch a bit of History Channel, continue reading, walk a bit to feel the sun, go home, take a bath… Dad came home with my brothers, food and the lotion. I go to the car, get the lotion, go upstairs……….

The glass of water is gone.

“Oh, no. Someone threw the water away thinking it was a misplaced glass of water” I thought, and I was right. I asked everyone in the house and no one knew about it.

I went outside completely upset. I lost that new pair, and I’m far from home to get my pair or glasses for that matter… and I’m practically blind without those. How would I go to class the next day? I was planning to go to the movies for crying out loud! I’m working on Friday and Saturday, signing in the chorus Saturday night and only THEN I was going home. I didn’t have my car with me (‘cause I had to pay a ticket before I could get it back), and if I did I couldn’t drive it without seeing.

So I’m lying on a bench looking at the sky lamenting myself, when my dad pokes me.

“Whuht?”

“I…looked on the sink for the lenses, and found them.I cleansed them as much as I could and put them in the case”

I looked at him like :/ and felt warmth. I felt like a child went to me to tell me he had just dedicated a poem to me, or brought me a drawing of our family. I just love my dad, he was trying to make me happy. The lenses were probably just filled with bacteria, but I felt so grateful… and BESIDES I COULDN’T BARE BEING BLIND THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS.

So today I woke up, I cleansed them once more and put them on. And now I’m at a computer in the Pedagogy building writing about this with my eyes completely irritated, but I arranged to go home to pick up my glasses and I’m going to the movies then and back to my dad’s then :3

Ta da!